Now some of you think this is dangerous for a different reason. It's not the long lines, surly cashiers or baguette wielding ninjas in the bakery that posed a threat. It's my town.
For those of you that don't know I live in a small town. a really small town. I mean in the same county where I live there is a town that is called Micro, that is quite possibly larger. And everyone knows EVERYONE. I mean when I used to date in High School my father would pull down a book that contained a listing of all my relatives to the Nth degrtee and tell me what rank of cousin my date was to me. I swear the book went back to Noah! I won't talk about what that ranks JoCo on the West Virginia Scale, but lets' just say that some family trees grow in a circle around here.
Anyway what that means is that everyone is constantly in everyone's business. How does this affect my going to the store? Because the Walmart is brand new.
See there are already two grocery stores in Princeton. The Piggly Wiggly and the Food Lion. Yes, we like animals, and like them even more when we are eating them. You are a Pig person or a Lion Person. The Pig people are obviously the more rural and traditional, as the Pig has been there the longest. If you are a Lion person you are up town and likely to be snooty or a transplant. This is because they took over the space that the even OLDER IGA resided in. (Before that the Pig was for Up town people). See when you know everyone then when you go to another store it is assumed that you are taking food out of the mouth of their children.
This is the second time I have gone into the new Walmart. The first time I wore my navy shirt and everyone assumed I worked there and asked me where everything was. Other than that everyone walked with their heads down, as if they were ashamed to get caught there, like it was particularly disreputable porn store or abortion clinic. It was keep your head down, talk to no one, and when you got out, you were never there...you don't care what your great uncle's sisters daughter on your mother's side said.
Tonight, perhaps by virtue of it being after closing for the other two stores (if they could roll up sidewalks and road signs at 9 pm (6:30 on Sunday) they would here.) most of the people seemed almost smug about the fact that they were there. The whole store was bursting with a daredevil "I don't care if you do tell your mama I was here" attitude that I thought was normally reserved for teens jumping off the rock quarry to swim. I had an actual conversation with someone for no apparent reason.
But still when I got home my wife asked me "Did anyone see you there?"
It's time to silence the witnesses....
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