Tuesday, July 9, 2013

NO SPRING BREAK HERE!

I have long been a student of film. Okay that's not true. I've just watched a lot of them. But as an aficionado of MST3K I have seen cheezy movies. The worst ever made. I even sat through Vanilla Sky. (Tom Cruise you owe me my $6 for that. No...seriously. Pay up. I don't care how much Katie took. You owe me for that. )
All that said, I couldn't make it 15 minutes into Spring Breakers.
That movie was...well awful doesn't cover it. I need some word out of a Lovecraft novel for an unspeakable horror that is never seen by the protagonist or can not be described in English. This is coming from someone who has watched Manos :The Hand of Fate repeatedly.
To the poor girls who for no apparent reason decided to be in that movie, I have this advice. Read the Script. If it's only 3 pages long for a 2 hour movie, you should probably just pass.
To the people who made the movie and put it out there for sale, you and Tom Cruise need to come see me.
Maybe I'm getting too old and I know I'm not the target audience but all I can hope is that the movie DOESN"T speak to a new generation.
If so, look out for me. I'm the old guy, on the porch. Holding the shotgun.

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